He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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