i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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