Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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