There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
