I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
