Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
