This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
