I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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