I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
