wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
