Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
