I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
