yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
