Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
