I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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