Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
