you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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