ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
