toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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