also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
