the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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