I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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