I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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