i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
