i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
