the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
