You can't special order awesome
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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