weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
