So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
