I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
