I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
