I need to stop coming to work sober
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
