i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
