I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
