He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
