Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
