Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
