guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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