i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
