I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
