i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
