Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
