I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
