my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
false alarm, still single
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
