We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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