so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
