three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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