Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
