Christians are straight up FREAKS
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
