I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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