You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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