i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
