I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I will be naked everywhere
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
