thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
