I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
