In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
