I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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