I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
