sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
