foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
