i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
